Those Cobwebs of Fear

If I told myself to sit down in front of a blank space and just write....what would I say?
If I knew it didn't matter if it was perfect or not.
What then?
Just knowing that I have to sit down and write.
Have to untangle the thoughts of my mind and make space for new ideas and just keep sorting..
Doing a massive spring cleaning in the home of my mind and constantly getting distracted by nostalgia or by things that have been there for so long, well, they comfort me?
But wanting it right. Wanting it to be habitable...welcome to the Presence it needs most.
and feeling like I JUST cleaned that spiderweb yesterday...but its back again...stickier, tendrils trailing across the space it wants to inhabit and wont give up. I touch the string again and it sets off a familiar chord of fear again. and I find myself drawn in in its stickiness and I want to give up...what use is there in chasing out the spiders that will be back tomorrow and the next day and the next day after that?
Every 'use' as long as the sun still shines and I breathe air.
His breath. Breathed out on me.
Mine. Sucking it in and again.
He didn't mean for me to live with sticky webs of fear crowded through my mind. clinging to each other and anchoring themselves for the long haul.
Spinning out all the 'what ifs' of everything that could ever go wrong and choking out any sight of His dear face.
so I will clean and scrub and have Him pull out every fear that clings to its home in all the corners of my mind.
Just for today, I will rest on His grace.
and since tomorrow, when it gets here, will be today then... I'll just rest again on His grace.

Five Minute Friday - Mess

oh, I used to be scared of you.
scared of how chaotic you were, how crazy you could tip my world.
Just the fact that you showed up in the dirtiest, unrefined way.
You didn't like to be controlled, you always escaped in some other shocking way. Just when I thought I had everything tidy again.
you were raw.
volatile sometimes.
emotions spilling everywhere and the reality of who I really was, was on display.
I thought Mess meant the absence of Beauty.
the absence of Good.
even, the absence of GOD.
it just ain't so.
HE's the only one I know, who could look at a mess and call her beautiful.
Only one who could look beyond the hurt and pain and see the desparate beating heart.
The One Who can see a Daughter becoming.

that Glorious morning...

He draws a breath of earth's air once more.
He leaves the shadows, stepping from the cave into the dawning light.
He can feel the loved ones near. He is drawn to their presence, to proclaim to them the wonderful  beginning!
He moves through the garden. Breathing deeply of the air.
His delight is compete.
It is finished.
For all time.
The Loved Ones have been bought with the deepest price.
He hears her voice.
oh Mary, dear Mary!
where is He? Oh, what have they done? He hears her worry, her anguish. she loved Him deeply.
She that is loved greatly, will love greatly.
He draws nearer to her. He hears the broken sobs.
what have they done with the body? what trick have they played?
He is behind her now, an arms length away.
"mary, Mary." Gently, He calls her name, just as He has said it every time before. tenderly.
She is distraught. Blind to him.
what have you done with His body? just tell me so I can anoint it.
Mary! He calls again. If only she will look up, she will see Hope living and breathing before her. she turns to face Him fully. Her mouth is opening to question more. Her eyes grow wide. Wider yet.
my Lord? she whispers. Afraid to trust her eyes, afraid the merest breath will blow Him away.
My Lord?
I AM. He declares back. Grins as her face turns from mourning into gladness.
She jumps from her seat to touch Him, arms reaching out.
Not yet Mary. not yet. first I must return to My Father. His eyes begin to dance. then touch me all you want!
She casts herself at His feet instead. Bows her face to the earth. Would cry and kiss His feet once more...if she could.
how? she frames the word. Yet already her mind is turning over all He has said.
in three days, I will rise.
I come to seek and save the lost.
She looks at Him with wonder. Expectation. Realization growing in her mind.
oh can it be?
oh Mary, I have bought you! My blood is yours now. you will never be truly separated frrm Me again!
oh lord! my lord...how wonderful you are!