I wrestle with myself. With this need to 'keep myself. I want to make sure everything fits. That the money is neatly budgeted. That I don't go over. that I keep myself in order. I strive and I try. It must all work out logically.
By trust God? Go out on a limb. On a leap of faith? Why is it so hard?
Because I won't. With my mouth I say I trust God, yet to look at my actions, I must admit otherwise.
How much am I missing, in not giving myself fully to his keeping? He has proved himself faithful over and over. Even as I strive and it falls short, he is still always there to make up the difference, to make up the lack. To make me complete and lacking in nothing.
But I have this feeling that he would rather I want it as well. that I cease striving.
And let him keep me.
Keep me in every good thing. In his love.
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