I am Undone

and there are two ways of being undone.

I feel undone because the devil has been unraveling me: spinning me out faster than I can catch a breath.
a frayed bit of rope unraveling fast as the tension tugs on it.
split ends and weakness.
I cannot hold anything.
I try to braid the rope back, pinch the end, try to stop that unraveling; but it slips through clumsy fingers that burn at its touch.
rope burn is painful.
so is trying to hold your life together in your own strength.
it's clutching, grasping, clawing, gasping as your head sinks below water.
it's undone.
it's a stripping away to a painful place where the devil crows over you and your loss.
it's debilitating.
paralyzing,

and then, there's UNDONE.
life lived upside down and inside out but oh-so-right because He's at the center of it.
it's Matthew 5 and that Sermon on the Mount.
Blessed are you who you are poor, mourning, meek, hungry, thirsty, persecuted, judged; you outcast of this upside down world who choose to hand all this over to God and be the peacemakers, the righteous, the merciful, the pure, the satisfied: those sons and daughters of God.
it's loving not just neighbor as your self, but love your enemy too.
the giving of your soul. heart, mind, and strength to God alone.
it's being unashamed to be the light, His warm-light in an otherwise cold and distant world.
its God in flesh, in you.

Five Minute Friday:Exhale

let go.
let the breath carry with it all the negative charge inside.
feel the gut-deep sensation of relief that spreads.

EXHALE.

suddenly every hard line, every tight spot, is softening.
my self eases into a relaxed pose.
body, soul, and spirit no longer at war.
just realigned in His rest.

EXHALE.

everything that bothered.
everything that gnawed at you.
that spun you out feeling helpless.
its gone.
it cant live in His breath.
so breath it in.
and out.
and again and again till you find the rhythm of life lived by Him.

5 Minute Friday : Grateful

My soul sighed when I saw this word.
I have lived in such fear and worry. Wondering how it will all work out.... and staying blind to things that already have. No more does God come through on a need, than it has been swallowed up in some new worry.
Always something else that could go wrong.
But I need to just stop.
Stop.
Stand still.
Cease striving and know that I am God.
I caught my breath when I first read this version.
It added another dimension, another layer to the already arresting words, Be Still.
Cease striving.
Stop carrying on with all my worry! Stop striving to make it all work out.
Who's on the throne anyway? Did God abdicate when no one was looking?
Do I believe Him or No?
Am I willing to put my trust in Him and say thank you?
Say thank you that I still have food in my mouth, a roof over my head, a job for a Christian boss, many, many friends, family...thriving, soul feeding churches in walking distance.
All my needs met God.
Every. Last. One.
In all things, Giving thanks to the One who has keep of our souls.

Just Be Held...

Just be held by the One who calls you by name.
Just be held by the One who loves you wholly.
Just. Be. Held.
Stop striving and trying.
Its all in His hands.
Hands that are big enough and strong enough to hold you!

I Deeply needed this reminder this week.
 This was the third song to play when I started the music at work.
It set in a way, the tone for my day.
I so often come back to skeptically asking God if He really can be trusted. I mean, really.
I've been failed so many times before, God.
Yet He Will prove Himself Faithful.
Over and over. Slowly drawing on my heart. That constant, quiet reassurance that He's going to be there no matter what.

Five Minute Friday - Mess

oh, I used to be scared of you.
scared of how chaotic you were, how crazy you could tip my world.
Just the fact that you showed up in the dirtiest, unrefined way.
You didn't like to be controlled, you always escaped in some other shocking way. Just when I thought I had everything tidy again.
you were raw.
volatile sometimes.
emotions spilling everywhere and the reality of who I really was, was on display.
I thought Mess meant the absence of Beauty.
the absence of Good.
even, the absence of GOD.
it just ain't so.
HE's the only one I know, who could look at a mess and call her beautiful.
Only one who could look beyond the hurt and pain and see the desparate beating heart.
The One Who can see a Daughter becoming.

that Glorious morning...

He draws a breath of earth's air once more.
He leaves the shadows, stepping from the cave into the dawning light.
He can feel the loved ones near. He is drawn to their presence, to proclaim to them the wonderful  beginning!
He moves through the garden. Breathing deeply of the air.
His delight is compete.
It is finished.
For all time.
The Loved Ones have been bought with the deepest price.
He hears her voice.
oh Mary, dear Mary!
where is He? Oh, what have they done? He hears her worry, her anguish. she loved Him deeply.
She that is loved greatly, will love greatly.
He draws nearer to her. He hears the broken sobs.
what have they done with the body? what trick have they played?
He is behind her now, an arms length away.
"mary, Mary." Gently, He calls her name, just as He has said it every time before. tenderly.
She is distraught. Blind to him.
what have you done with His body? just tell me so I can anoint it.
Mary! He calls again. If only she will look up, she will see Hope living and breathing before her. she turns to face Him fully. Her mouth is opening to question more. Her eyes grow wide. Wider yet.
my Lord? she whispers. Afraid to trust her eyes, afraid the merest breath will blow Him away.
My Lord?
I AM. He declares back. Grins as her face turns from mourning into gladness.
She jumps from her seat to touch Him, arms reaching out.
Not yet Mary. not yet. first I must return to My Father. His eyes begin to dance. then touch me all you want!
She casts herself at His feet instead. Bows her face to the earth. Would cry and kiss His feet once more...if she could.
how? she frames the word. Yet already her mind is turning over all He has said.
in three days, I will rise.
I come to seek and save the lost.
She looks at Him with wonder. Expectation. Realization growing in her mind.
oh can it be?
oh Mary, I have bought you! My blood is yours now. you will never be truly separated frrm Me again!
oh lord! my lord...how wonderful you are! 

Following Him

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,  Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.                                                               Hebrews 12:1-2

I am so thankful. For the brothers and sisters God puts in my life.
The ones who are already walking that hard and lonely road of follow Him.
Who know just how much courage it takes to shut ones eyes and grab hold of God's hand and say
"Ok, Lead me." And then keep walking.
Keep following.
Walk through the valleys and right up along the mountain precipices.
You open your eyes and see how close you are to the edge and really, you would fall if He didn't have your hand. There's no way you would make it trying to climb that in your dark.
Who see you struggling, see that you're slipping and you think you just might want to pull your hand out of God's and sit down awhile... Who holler back from where they are, "don't give up now! If you could just see what He sees! Take those next steps, He's going to uncover your eyes. You're so close! "
Don't. Give. Up.
Because He really does have you safe in His arms.
He really does love you.
He really is planning the best for you.
For a hope and a future.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.                                              Jeremiah 29:11

He really wants you as a part of His glory.

                                                               

Giving All

This is for me, now. This is for you, now. For me 5 minutes from now, 2 weeks, 10 years, forever.
It is now and always will be relevant. This preaching of Grace. This give-all and so have-all.
He is our All-in-All. Don't we say that? Do we really believe it? Do we really live it?

23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. 24 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. 25 For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away? Luke 9:23-25

Will we give our all? Our really nothing but in His hands something?
Just saying "I am yours, only yours, nothing wavering."
Just day after day of follow. Morning after morning of "will you lead me?"
Hour after hour of listening for His prompting. Seeing with His eyes and being His hands and feet.
Loving people as He first loved us. The sinner, the righteous,(who is still a sinner unadmited).
From the very beginning, it was love. It was "Come and meet Me and so meet My Father."
It was repentance; the only bridge back.
Could we do this? "Come and meet my Father!" Come, Come, Come!
Love like He did reaching into all the broken places.
His love flowing from us can change the world.
Heart by heart.
Meeting their Savior for the very first time.
Will we meet with our God and learn His ways?
Rest in Him, be fueled by Him for His works?
Be a fountain of His Glory.

let me see you God

let me see you God.
let me see you in your fullness.
your glory.
amaze me.
bless me.
be with me.
so flood my being that i cannot contain you.
my arms are reaching to yours.
hold me in your grace while i walk this weary way.
as i stand alone.
rejected and scorned by the world, the people.
because i chose you.
i choose you God and all you have.
i love and adore you.
you amaze me.
you bless me.
 you fill me.
you have given me grace.
may i fall at your feet and kiss them?
may i love you with abandon for i have been loved much?
so much.

Hard Moments

Impossible is such a hard word.
you don't realize it till you're right in the middle of it.
impossible is just something that hasn't been done before.
so it looks scary. and fear paralyzes.
and you get stuck.
and if you are a perfectionist, if you've still got an ounce of legalist in you, well, you want to do everything right the first time, no mistakes and no falling flat on your face.
because the world's watching... at least, your family's watching, your friends, and whoever else is in sight.
yet, the last thing I want is the condemnation of the naysayers. the ones who wouldn't understand and wouldn't try to. yet my fear has already condemned me. I worry what they will say and do and in my mind I am already condemned by them and it hasn't even happened yet. my fear has done it...they won't have to.
  There is, therefore, now no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus.
   who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1
So will I walk in the flesh? walk condemned?
or stop and walk in the Spirit? stop and place my hand in His?
    For, if God be for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31
No One. Not even Ourself. 

on my own, will I falter. I will fall, leaning on my own understanding.
its when I lean on Him. when I know that I am weak but He is strong.
when I know, without a shadow of doubt,
that the sufferings of this present time is not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18
when I know that He is taking me through a hard moment to unveil a heart more like His.
when He is making perfect. whole.
He is making all things beautiful in HIS time, for
every thing there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.

Write Your Story

Oh God, won't You write Your story on my heart?

I love this song.

It has become my anthem, my song. 

It's echoing in my mind and heart each day I wake.

I want God to be brilliantly, emphatically, without a shadow of doubt, all over my life.

I want to live the impossible story because only with God the impossible is no more.

I want them to see Him.

Look at me, but see Him.

The Glorious Rescue

Satan thought he had scored the big 1.
he had got Adam & Eve. Drawn them in. And not just them, he had got every human after. Now everyone would be born twisted, hopelessly misshapen. Sin would burn its way though us. Mark us, blemish us, separate us.
Forever.
Or so he thought.

High in the heavens is prepared the Glorious Rescue. 
The one counter-move to every move satan makes.

so He chose to be carried 9 months in a woman's womb. Chose to be birthed into the most vulnerable position- a child. He was weak, vulnerable, without any strength.
He didn't come in kingly form with trumpets blaring, flags waving.  Riding on a white horse. Every eye on him. 
He could have. 
But he came small. Unnoticed. Slipped quietly into the world. With only a man and a woman to greet him. Chosen to protect him while he lives and breathes in small size. Chosen to gaze first into the face of Love. 
He steps it up a little. He reveals His presence in the angel-song to the lowly ones. The lowest of low. 
The outcast one, they get the first invite to see the secret of God. To gaze in wonder on the impossible. 
The infant that would storm the very gates of hell.

He cannot draw breath for long. Satan takes notice. 
To crush Him now while He's weak. 
Yet it's not enough to just kill him; he casually arranges the death every infant boy in town.
This night is riven with red blood, rent with mourning cries. The trail of blood runs through Christ's time. 

but He is born away to safety.

To obscurity in a small town.... and the world is left in ignorance.

30 years. 

He changes water into wine. 

Is baptized in the river Jordan and His life sealed with God's approval. 

The stage is set.

He calls the weary, the hopeless; the ones whose jobs are beneath everyone else. 

The outcasts again, to Him. 

12 to be His closest friends, the ones He places hopes & dreams in. A light & vision.

He begins to speak of Living water....we will thirst no more. 

Water that will be poured out from His very side... in time.

He calls out our very sins...but to forgive our broken hearts. 

The proud condemn their own hearts with their refusal.

He tells of a Kingdom coming. Prepare for it! Don't miss it, He wants you with Him, Loved one.

He goes on. 

He walks from village to village.

Binding up the brokenhearted. 

Healing the lame, sick, the deaf, the blind.

Bringing the dead back to life.

He restores our souls.

All the devil had taken, defiled, ruined; He gives back, purifies, makes beautiful. 

Complete and Whole.

He sets us on that Way.

He walks nearer and nearer to the Big Moment.

There are those who want Him silent.

He is Undoing faster than the devil can do.

So he incites a mob. he could not kill Him in a crowd before, but perhaps this time, he can kill Him with a crown of thorns by an angry crowd. 

Satan is doing. he is calling on every trace of blackness in any heart. he is whispering, inciting:

he leads his second rebellion. 

they ridicule Him, beat Him. they feel power: 

He has given up His own to endure the blackness for the Loved Ones.

 

Darkness falls on Him. He feels the full weight of all that has tore us body and soul since That Day. 

It is crawling all over Him, smothering Him. He cannot feel the Father. 

It is heartbreaking, He sobs. 

He releases His body, the breath leaves it. Shouts of triumph are heard, the devil has won.

Or so he thinks.

His spirit goes on. 

It comes at a full charge, rattles the gates of hell, terrifying the legions. Blows back the gates and off their hinges. Nothing will stop Him from gathering up the Loved Ones. 

All hell quakes, this is not what they thought it would be. 

He leads them out in a triumphant march, sends them on to the Father.

The appointed hour... He becomes body and soul again. Breathes earth's air once more.

The Glorious Rescue had begun.